Saturday, October 15, 2016

Starrella in Oxenford - Snippet from Book 3 for #WeWriWa #Superheroes #SciFi

Welcome to another Sunday with Weekend Writing Warriors. Here, writers in different genres showcase their stories with 8-10 sentences. Join the fun and read our snippets.

This week, I’ll begin posting snippets from Book 3 of Secret Supers. It’s still at the editing stage, so please let me know if you see any problems.

Draft Blurb
Danger is the last thing on Estelle’s mind when she visits the University of Oxenford for a summer course. But, mysterious thefts and shadowy figures spur her into action. With Toby five thousand miles away and possibly out of her life forever, Estelle and her winged horse must hunt for the culprits alone. Soon they are embroiled in a mixed bag of aliens and ancient magic. Toby’s unexpected arrival throws her into turmoil and spurs events into a climax. 

Here are the opening lines with minor omissions and modifications to fit.
Brakes squealing, the bus lurched to a halt by the high iron gates of St. Swithin’s College. Shouldering her heavy pack, Estelle Wright picked her way down the aisle to the exit. Her best friend, Diane Stewart, was right behind her as they joined the other passengers hurrying onto the street.
Diane gushed, “Wow! I’m so thrilled to be in Oxenford.” Flinging back her long auburn hair, she rotated slowly on her toes to scan the old buildings along either side of the narrow cobbled street. She pointed to the church tower on the opposite side, “See the ugly stone faces on the tower, the grotesques? They’re really meant to be decorative rainspouts.” Since her five weeks of travel in Europe last year, Diane had become a self-proclaimed expert on medieval architecture.
Estelle looked at the church. Stone gargoyles protruded from the corners of the square tower; caricatures of men and beasts with leering mouths and lolling tongues, their hollow eyes stared straight at her.

Okay, you can guess one source of conflict. And then there’s Toby’s dilemma, a hangover from Book 2.
Any suggestions to improve my opening or blurb?
 Super Starrella

Buy Links for Book 1, Super Starrella

 Starrella Falls

Buy Links for Starrella Falls, Book 2 of Secret Supers

As always, I’ll be happy to reply to your comments.
Please return to www.wewriwa.com to sample the works of the other writers. 

 My Books




34 comments:

  1. Oh, I'd like to know more about Diane, and their relationship, besides just being best friends. The last sentence is definitely intriguing. Are they really just gargoyles? Well done! :)

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    1. Diane is in all 3 books and is a magnet for men. Estelle was really happy when Toby looked at her and not Diane.

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  2. Gargoyles have always made me feel uneasy as I always feel they are watching me. This successfully adds lots of tension.

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  3. I like how you described the building and the way it makes Estelle feel. Definitely a little creepy. But then you have Diane who is just thrilled. Great way to show how each one is so very different on how they view things.

    I like the blurb.

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    1. Thanks! I always agonize over Blurbs and opening lines.

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  4. Diane seems to be the 'sunny' to Estelle's 'cloudy'. I suspect, however, that Estelle is closer to what is going to unfold! Nicely done, Aurora.

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    1. Yes, I play on the contrasts. Diane sounds superficial, but she is a good friend to Estelle.

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  5. "Oxenford." Diane is annoying in an endearing sort of way. :-)

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    1. The first two books were set in Atalanta, so this one has moved across the Atlantic to Oxenford. Maybe it's trite, but it allows me to use creative geography when convenient.
      You're right about Diane.

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  6. I've never liked gargoyles. Creepy. Nice excerpt.

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    1. The stone faces are all over the colleges in Oxford.

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  7. Your description of the gargoyles is terrifying and makes me wonder if it represents more than the building. Great snippet!

    ~Joyce Scarbrough

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    1. Some of the grotesques look as I described. Of course it foreshadows events to come.

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  8. I liked the gargoyles in the snippet, cool description. I'm not good with blurb at ALL but it does seem to me to defeat the purpose of first saying Toby may be out of her life and then two sentences later he arrives! Best wishes with the blurb and the book....

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    1. Thanks for the suggestion about the blurb. I wasn't sure how much to put for Toby's perspective since his pov is at least 30% of the book.

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  9. There seems to be some foreshadowing regarding the gargoyles.

    Sorry -- not much help on blurbs. I dread writing them.

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  10. Gargoyles could make great villains.

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  11. This has the feel of a good book. I'm glad Toby shows up.

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    1. Thanks! The action speeds up when Toby appears.

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  12. I think Diane and Estelle have different definitions of "decorative."

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    1. I think Estelle has a premonition they're more than decorative. Lol

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  13. I love gargoyles! It's one of the reasons I'm so in love with the churches in Europe. Wonderful! The old missions and churches have them here in the southwest, too. So much you can do with them...delightful!

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  14. Ooo! I love all things gargoyle, so I really enjoyed your description of the school!

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    1. Oh good! I hope this means the book will do well once I've finished it.

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  15. We have gargoyles now!? Oh this is going to be lots of fun! I love that kind of culture and timeframe. Reminds me of the Huncheback of Notre Dame.

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    1. Gargoyles and more emotional turmoil to Estelle and Toby.

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  16. Eerie these things, but now I'm intrigued as to the importance of them to the story.

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