Welcome to another Sunday
with Weekend Writing Warriors.
Here, writers in different genres showcase their stories with 8-10 sentences.
Join the fun and read our snippets.
This week, I’ll begin
posting snippets from Book 3 of Secret Supers. It’s still at the editing stage,
so please let me know if you see any problems.
Draft Blurb
Danger is the last thing on Estelle’s mind when
she visits the University of Oxenford for a summer course. But, mysterious
thefts and shadowy figures spur her into action. With Toby five thousand miles
away and possibly out of her life forever, Estelle and her winged horse must
hunt for the culprits alone. Soon they are embroiled in a mixed bag of aliens
and ancient magic. Toby’s unexpected arrival throws her into turmoil and spurs
events into a climax.
Here are the opening lines
with minor omissions and modifications to fit.
Brakes squealing, the bus lurched
to a halt by the high iron gates of St. Swithin’s College. Shouldering her heavy
pack, Estelle Wright picked her way down the aisle to the exit. Her best
friend, Diane Stewart, was right behind her as they joined the other passengers
hurrying onto the street.
Diane gushed, “Wow! I’m so
thrilled to be in Oxenford.” Flinging back her long auburn hair, she rotated
slowly on her toes to scan the old buildings along either side of the narrow
cobbled street. She pointed to the church tower on the opposite side, “See the
ugly stone faces on the tower, the grotesques? They’re really meant to be
decorative rainspouts.” Since her five weeks of travel in Europe last year,
Diane had become a self-proclaimed expert on medieval architecture.
Estelle looked at the
church. Stone gargoyles protruded from the corners of the square tower; caricatures
of men and beasts with leering mouths and lolling tongues, their hollow eyes
stared straight at her.
Okay,
you can guess one source of conflict. And then there’s Toby’s dilemma, a hangover from Book 2.
Any
suggestions to improve my opening or blurb?
Buy Links for Book 1,
Super Starrella
Buy Links for Starrella
Falls, Book 2 of Secret Supers
As always, I’ll be happy
to reply to your comments.
Oh, I'd like to know more about Diane, and their relationship, besides just being best friends. The last sentence is definitely intriguing. Are they really just gargoyles? Well done! :)
ReplyDeleteDiane is in all 3 books and is a magnet for men. Estelle was really happy when Toby looked at her and not Diane.
DeleteGargoyles have always made me feel uneasy as I always feel they are watching me. This successfully adds lots of tension.
ReplyDeleteGood, that was the intention.
DeleteI like how you described the building and the way it makes Estelle feel. Definitely a little creepy. But then you have Diane who is just thrilled. Great way to show how each one is so very different on how they view things.
ReplyDeleteI like the blurb.
Thanks! I always agonize over Blurbs and opening lines.
DeleteDiane seems to be the 'sunny' to Estelle's 'cloudy'. I suspect, however, that Estelle is closer to what is going to unfold! Nicely done, Aurora.
ReplyDeleteYes, I play on the contrasts. Diane sounds superficial, but she is a good friend to Estelle.
Delete"Oxenford." Diane is annoying in an endearing sort of way. :-)
ReplyDeleteThe first two books were set in Atalanta, so this one has moved across the Atlantic to Oxenford. Maybe it's trite, but it allows me to use creative geography when convenient.
DeleteYou're right about Diane.
I've never liked gargoyles. Creepy. Nice excerpt.
ReplyDeleteThe stone faces are all over the colleges in Oxford.
DeleteYour description of the gargoyles is terrifying and makes me wonder if it represents more than the building. Great snippet!
ReplyDelete~Joyce Scarbrough
Some of the grotesques look as I described. Of course it foreshadows events to come.
DeleteI liked the gargoyles in the snippet, cool description. I'm not good with blurb at ALL but it does seem to me to defeat the purpose of first saying Toby may be out of her life and then two sentences later he arrives! Best wishes with the blurb and the book....
ReplyDeleteThanks for the suggestion about the blurb. I wasn't sure how much to put for Toby's perspective since his pov is at least 30% of the book.
DeleteThere seems to be some foreshadowing regarding the gargoyles.
ReplyDeleteSorry -- not much help on blurbs. I dread writing them.
You're correct about the gargoyles.
DeleteGargoyles could make great villains.
ReplyDeleteThat's the idea, or part of it.
DeleteThis has the feel of a good book. I'm glad Toby shows up.
ReplyDeleteThanks! The action speeds up when Toby appears.
DeleteThe gargoyles seem creepy!
ReplyDeleteThey're meant to be creepy.
DeleteI think Diane and Estelle have different definitions of "decorative."
ReplyDeleteI think Estelle has a premonition they're more than decorative. Lol
DeleteI love gargoyles! It's one of the reasons I'm so in love with the churches in Europe. Wonderful! The old missions and churches have them here in the southwest, too. So much you can do with them...delightful!
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree. They are fascinating.
DeleteOoo! I love all things gargoyle, so I really enjoyed your description of the school!
ReplyDeleteOh good! I hope this means the book will do well once I've finished it.
DeleteWe have gargoyles now!? Oh this is going to be lots of fun! I love that kind of culture and timeframe. Reminds me of the Huncheback of Notre Dame.
ReplyDeleteGargoyles and more emotional turmoil to Estelle and Toby.
DeleteEerie these things, but now I'm intrigued as to the importance of them to the story.
ReplyDeleteThat's the idea.
Delete