Welcome to another Sunday
with Weekend
Writing Warriors. Meet writers in various genres and
read 8-10 sentence snippets of their stories.
After a
hiatus of two weeks while traveling in Europe, I’m returning to my WIP set on
Jupiter’s moon, Europa. If you are interested, I’ve set up a blog post on
sightseeing in Lyon, France - https://auroraspringer.blogspot.com/2017/09/cheapskates-guide-to-lyon-france-travel.html
Current Tag line: What alien creatures lurk under the ice
crust of Europa?
Here are the next few lines of Chapter one. Dr. Nikki Bell
is traveling to Europa to study the alien life in the ocean.
It’s not a final version and any suggestions will be
especially appreciated.
You can read my last snippet here: https://auroraspringer.blogspot.com/2017/08/what-styx-snippet-from-wip-for-wewriwa.html
Nikki staggered to the rack of
spacesuits on the wall by the airlock. She selected the correct size, and
climbed awkwardly into the bulky spacesuit, balancing against the juddering of
the ship. Pulling an emergency kit from the shelf, she entered the inner airlock
and fumbled at the door handle of the lifepod. She flung the door open, climbed
into the cabin and dropped into the pilot’s seat. Panting with relief, she
looked around. Where was everybody? The lifepod was sized for six people. She
must be the first to reach its safety. Surely Alita and Karl would arrive soon.
She had left them in the gym only minutes before the alarm sounded.
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As always, I’ll be happy to reply to your comments.
I wonder if Alita and Karl will show up. You've let me intrigued.
ReplyDeleteYou may find out next week.
Delete"Juddering" new verb for me. Good action felt throughout.#wewriwa
ReplyDeleteJuddering is not a common verb, but it has the right feel!
DeleteUh-oh. That doesn't sound good.
ReplyDeleteNo. And it gets worse.
DeleteTense moment and I'm pretty concerned about the other crew - you're setting up a very ominous train of thought here. But it sure keeps me wanting to read further! Great snippet.
ReplyDeleteThanks - that's the idea.
DeleteAlarms mean trouble! :D
ReplyDeleteBig trouble.
DeleteUh oh! Sounds like she might be more than just the first one there. Great snippet, Aurora.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteI hope the escape it successful!
ReplyDeleteShe will have several narrow escapes during this story.
DeleteExpecting the worse to happen, like any avid reader, I'm going to assume the rest of the folks never make it. By why?
ReplyDeleteYou're such a pessimist!
DeleteGreat suspense.
ReplyDeleteJuddering is a fabulous verb and very descriptive.
ReplyDeleteYes, I like it.
DeleteLots of action and struggle going on here--it has me worried and invested in her survival.
ReplyDeleteYou might change the "climbed awkwardly into" bit followed by "the bulky spacesuit." You have a lot of other great action verbs, so something like "clambered into" or "wedged herself into" "the bulky spacesuit" would fit in.
Thanks for your suggestion.
DeleteIntriguing ... i wonder (hope!) the crew will make it.
ReplyDeleteSome will.
DeleteReally tense excerpt, sounds like something really bad may have befllen the others I didn't notice it on firt reading, but I do agree with Caitlin about the 'climbed awkwardly' phrase, as she says it contrasts a bit with the other great verbs you've used.
ReplyDeleteI've changed it. Thank you.
DeleteMy first thought is that she will be all alone, and my heart ached for her. I guess we'll have to wait to see. Good snippet.
ReplyDeleteThis story does have several deaths.
DeleteI'm definitely concerned about the rest of the crew. Great snippet!
ReplyDeleteYou might learn more next weekend.
Delete