Welcome to another Sunday
with Weekend Writing Warriors.
Meet writers in various genres and read 8-10 sentence snippets of their
stories.
Okay,
I’m biting the bullet and offering a snippet from my WIP. It’s at 53k words and
I’m editing. Among other things, I have to deal with killing off one minor
character and rewriting him out of later scenes. This story has several deaths.
Current Tag line: What alien creatures lurk under the ice
crust of Europa?
See NASA's artist's concept of the setting.
Here
is the beginning of my story. It’s not a final version and any suggestions will be
especially appreciated. [Note, slightly irregular punctuation to fit.]
The Solar Spirit shuddered,
slamming Nikki onto the steel floor of the passage.
Alarms wailed; red lights flashed
warnings.
Biting back a scream, Nikki
scrambled onto her feet. A second jolt tipped the floor into an awkward angle.
Her boots lifted from the tilted floor and she spun slowly in midair. Styx; the
ship’s artificial gravity had failed. What next? No life support? She groaned
inwardly; what blasted bad timing. The Solar Spirit had begun decelerating and
she had expected to reach Europa in less than two days.
Sorry - no cover yet.
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As
always, I’ll be happy to reply to your comments.
What an intense scene. I wonder what is in store for Nikki next.
ReplyDeleteWell, they say you should start in the middle of the action.
DeleteWow - intense ... well done.
ReplyDeleteThe scene immediately grabs you. Love the internal dialogue to establish Nikki's character and predicament. Great beginning, Aurora.
ReplyDeleteOh wow! INtense scene. I'm intrigued by everything going on.
ReplyDeleteGreat!
DeleteGreat action!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteDramatic start for sure, can't wait to keep reading. Terrific snippet!
ReplyDeleteThanks - my progress is slow.
DeleteGreat, strong beginning. I love it when we're placed right in the middle of the action from the first sentence!
ReplyDeleteThank you. I just need to make the middle parts strong!
DeleteThis opening is strongly reminiscent of the opening of my Escapee, which I posted today. One thing I wondered about: it seems to me that losing your life support would elicit a stronger comment than 'bad timing', because there's no good time for that to happen.
ReplyDeleteOh - I haven't seen your snippet yet.
DeleteThe ship hasn't lost life support yet, but I'll think about a stronger response from her.
That's great action.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteIntense scene. I hope she finds something to hang onto before gravity is restored. Otherwise, ouch!
ReplyDeleteThat's almost the next line!
DeleteWhat an intense scene! Great imagery.
ReplyDeleteNever ask "What next?" or "What else could go wrong?" The answer is invariably one you don't like.
ReplyDeleteNice action scene. Can't wait to find out what caused the malfunction.
You may have to wait a while.
Delete